Nose to the Tapestry

a year of here ~

2011-12-31T15:31:00.000-08:00

~ Two Thousand and Twelve~ A year of Here ~

~ 10 renewals ~

1) Be Grateful – make gratitude purposeful and focused. Make a mental and written list of what I am grateful for and work to miss nothing.

2) Lean in & Reach out– commit NOT to live peripherally ~ pay attention to where I am and who I am with when I am there in the moment...listening, looking, thinking, responding, considering each decision despite the size...be real and relational, always allowing for the “Kingdom” moments. Reach out and be available for relationships that are real, honest, open and transparent.

3) Simplify – travel lightly...don’t buy, don’t want, don’t wish for...focus on only what I need and be satisfied with what I have. Slough off the unnecessary whenever possible. Lighten the load in all things, all areas, all places...

4) Give – Find ways to help to those in need, look for them, find them, go to them, see them as God does... help my kids see them as God sees them and foster in my children a desire for benevolence without judgment...Do this sacrificially.

5) Be still & obey...daily – find the early morning space a time to seek God and his will for my life on a daily basis...surrender to the plans he lays out for me each morning and follow them...pray big and live bigger. This will involve surrendering my need for the approval of man.

6) Pursue peace – don’t allow anxiety, tension, worry, or concern to take up too much real estate in my mind or my sleep.

7) Learn –re-read 1000 gifts, Gates of Splendor, The biography of George Muller, Grace Based Parents, Etc...

8) Live out patience – learn to respond instead of react... practice it with my children, my husband, my time, my mouth and my words...do this in the small and in the big...wait for all things with heart of gratitude and hopefulness...

9) Teach – never miss opportunities to teach, display, show, exemplify Christ, God’s word, and principles, to my children...when necessary use words...allow for focused times of devotion, teaching , and open communication with the family.

10) Filter Love– filter love for others first through Christ’s love for me allowing me to love my Jeff, my kids, my home, my friends more fully, more sacrificially, more obediently, and more focused...

conversations on fur ~

2011-12-31T15:30:00.000-08:00

Adeline - "mom, how does Santa stay warm at the North Pole?"
Me - "The white fur on his coat is Polar Bear fur...it is the warmest fur there is!!!"
Adeline -"SANTA HUNTS POLAR BEARS!?!?"
Me - "What? Uhhh...NO!! When an old one dies... from old age, he uses it's fur to keep warm."
Adeline - " Ewwwww....what does he do with the dead, skinned polar bear body? Doesn't it smell????
Me - "No, uhhh...cause after he skins it for it's fur, he cooks it and eat it...just like the Indians did with the buffalo?!?!"
Adeline - "That's so gross!"
Mom - "Yeah, well, Santa's gotta eat too."

french 101 ~

2010-02-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

Dear little classmate of my son,

Thank you for educating Fisher today about "French Kissing." Because of your deep and compelling insight on the subject, Fisher asked us at dinner tonight, why they lick each other instead of kiss each other in France.

Gratefully,

Fisher's mom

lessons from rain ~

2009-12-30T14:57:00.000-08:00

Last night I awoke to the sounds of raindrops hitting our old windows. We sleep on the seccond floor, and the storms are so much louder up there. As I child I loved turbulant weather. I welcomed the sounds of rain pounding on the rooftop, and the deep barreling growl of the thunder. Every time it growled I pictured two massive black clouds running into one another right above my room. When the lightening flashed, it lit up the room like the lights were on. For one split second, I could see every detail in the room...what page my book was open to, a pile of clothes, my closet door that was slightly open... and so on the next flash, I would squint to see what I could identify in my closet...but only for one split second...becuse then as quickly as it came...darkness again..until the next one. And the thunder...the louder the better...I cherished the loudest, unexpected claps of thunder, where you feel your heart jump, and your insides vibrate.... I would fold down deeper into the covers, pulling them in tight around me...not out of fear, but out of delightful suspence...smiling, because somehow as the weather raged outside my window, I felt safe and secure just inside of it.

On some nights, when the storms were especially loud, I would see the familiar flashes of blue and green lights coming from downstairs...not from the lightening, but from the tv...my parents were up, awakened by the storm...a few lamps were on and they were moving about the house,...I was never exactly sure what they were doing, but something in that movement made me feel safe, watched over, protected...so again, after the blues and greens were gone...I would curl down further into the covers and wait for the next one...the next crash, the next flash and pray that I fell asleep before the silence after the storm came...that was always the worst part...because it was over...

As an adult, I still welcome the storms at night...but I assume another response to the beating raindrops on the roof...My husband and I almost instinctively and without verbal exchange begin going through an understood rain dance...I check for any casualties left outside...a bike, some cleats....I peek out to make sure the car windows are up, we squint through all the windows checking the trees searching for loose branches, and Jeff double checks any vulnerable spots in the house for leaks...and then, like I remember as a child, we welcome the familiar green and blue tv lights to check for any weather alerts. After a quick prayer against a lightening strike...it's back to bed, where I nostalgically curl up, sinking downward into my covers and wait with childlike suspense for the next...big...roar.

This last storm, as I watched the room light up, and pondered it all, it hit me...childlike faith...that was what I experienced in a storm as a child...complete assurance that my mother and father were on guard. I knew they were taking care of me, and I felt there active presence all through the house. They would not let me sleep through a fire caused by a lightening strike. They would not let a tree fall on my room...they might even be kind enough to retrieve my bike from the rusting rain.

Then I pondered...Life has storms. They come unexpectedly...they come at night sometimes, and often, I fail to realize that any storms that come my way have been filtered through his hands....the hands that can command the storms to "be still!" He is faithful to protect me, like I believed my parents to be...even more faithful than my own parents could have been.

In last night's storm, for the first time, I purposefully waited to hear it subside. I listened for the sweet silence that followed the noise, and in that silence, folded down into the covers, and thanked Him and I decided the next time a "life" storm comes my way, I am going to consider that "my father is up"...he is always up...and yes, I might double check the vulnerable places for storm damage, and I might bring a casualty in from the rain, but I will also stop and thank him...for always watching over me.. for staying up...for His presence in my house...in my life...in my storms...for sheltering me from the loud ones like my parents did, but also, for something my parents could never do...for calming them.

the delima of tackling ~

2009-11-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

When I visualized my children in their grade school years, I had dreamy visions of taking the "less" path...less activities, less commitments, less intensity, less fuss. I visualized them sitting around the kitchen table after school doing homework and eating a snack...maybe even milk and cookies. And perhaps, we have actually acheived that "comparatively" speaking...but I have learned time and again that our realities don't always line up our visions.... and this past fall our lives took a turn...a turn towards "more."

Let me explain ~ In keeping with the "less" mentality, Fisher has never been allowed to do more than one sport at a time...I have often said that God would have to shout through a megaphone in the sky for us to choose that road. But as with all decisions, or should I say, convictions, it comes with sacrifices and consequences. Well we chose our "one" sport this past fall to be Football. Not just any football..but the kind where you hit one another...the kind without flags, not "touch" football, but full out, shoulders down, head up, tackle football.

This decision was not made flippantly, as we had never done an intense sport like this before this year. For months Jeff and I processed the pros and cons this level of sport would be for our family. You would have thought we were choosing a college or a academic major, but at nine years of age, he is our little trail blazer, and these seemingly "little" decisions are mighty in our eyes and in our lives.

Ironically, before we began processing the decision our minds were set against it. When Fisher was a baby I NEVER would have said he would play football, and I had a long list of reasons why, but that passion and vision did not include my little boy's big longing eyes starting at me with that "please say yes!" look. As we worked through all the pros and cons and set up the boundaries and deal breakers, it became more than obvious that for Fisher, and our family, the fall would be spent giving tackle football a chance. Funny how the reality of life "played out" changes from the visions we once had. When all the decision making was laid out on the table, the only "con" really was the time factor, but the pros, along with Fisher's begging, became heavy enough to tip the scales. The time factor has been a big commitment, but it is seasonal and it came with a sacrifice...no basketball after football season ended. Basketball runs from November - March, but we are not allowing Fisher to play in order to get back the family time we surrendered in the early fall.

So now entering December, we are heading into a season of no sport at all until baseball begins in March. This alone is something we have not experienced as a family since before Fisher was in Kindergarden. Football was not just Fisher's thing, but instead it became a "family thing." Decked out in our team colors and Adeline in her cheerleading uniform, the entire family went to EVERY GAME and in no time at all became fully engaged in the competition and spirit of the sport...in a surprising way, we all bonded around the new adventure that we entered into so cautiously. All our 'deal breakers" (yelling coaches, potential injury, stress shown on Fishers part, struggling grades) only became deal "makers." We LOVED the influence of the coach's, and Fisher did not stress at all, but instead, relished in the manliness of it all. When he wraps up a player or does suicides in the mud he does it with a smile that can only come from a newly found "rite of passage."

So, unexpectedly, for us, we chose to tackle...though the decision did not come lightly, it was a great one, actually, it was the right one. As I said, I am learning that my "pictures" are not the same as the reality that plays out in real life, but the trick is to "obey" in the present...the "where" and the "when" that God has placed us, and not our visions of the past, and remember to make our children's hearts and desires a "factor" in those realities...like I said, I never wanted a football player, but my son's little heart is overjoyed at the chance to wear his (tackle) football jersey to school every Friday! He smiles all the way! Oh, and when he gets home, he sits at our kitchen table in that footbal jersy and does his homework...just after a snack.... some days it's even milk and cookies.

do we need all ten fingers anyway? ~

2009-07-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

We have just returned home from our family's annual beach trip. Every year at the beach is magical for us. Some are mountain people, some are city folk, some our hill country people, we are beach people...we just become one with the sun, sand and water and find ourselves lost in all that exists there. Fisher swims so far out into the waves. As I watch him, I hold my breath and pray, all the while relishing his fearlessness like an honor that manifests itself in a generous smile and a furrowed brow.

This year was an unusually perfect week at the beach. I am beginning to believe that the Lord drops down unusual nature incidents for Fisher and laughs as he watches as it all unfold...This trip Fisher caught a Shovel head ray, a sea snail, a crab, and multiple small fish (with a casting net) and a shark...yes, a shark.

The ray was first...it found itself somewhat stuck in the shallow waters of the surf and Fisher without hesitation grabbed it up with his hands and immediately drew a crowd. He became a pied piper of sorts on the beach, but instead of a pipe, he carried a sea creature. Everyone looked, some touched, and a brave few asked to hold, and then Fisher graciously sent it back to the ocean while whispering a prayer of thanks for such an awesome find.

The shark incident was one I was absent for (a big regret of mine) because I was up making Adeline lunch in the condo...but here is how the story goes as reported by all the viewers. A man was fishing off the shore where Fisher and his friends were swimming in the waves and he caught the baby bonnet head shark. Fisher saw him reeling it in and ran over to see what he caught. Upon realization that it was a small shark the man cut it lose, and it began to swim back out into the waves. Fisher followed it and eventually pounced on it and pulled it out of the water to show Jeff. He was holding it from the belly (near the mouth) with one hand and by the tail with the other, and it was squirming around trying to bite him. Jeff, wisely told him to hold it by the tail so as not to lose a finger. He took both hands and held it up by the tail and everyone crowded around to have a look and then he threw it back into the water whispering another prayer...his first shark catch, but most certainly not the last I am sure!

Often I am asked, why...why do we as his parents let him approach and worse, handle such mystery creatures....well, I have no "satisfactory" answer except that God has given me certain peace about Fishers uncanny familiarity with "wildlife." Fisher has no "fear filter" when it comes to God's creatures, but he does use a filter of wisdom and Jeff and I have both observed it in action. For example, he will not catch a snake he knows is poisonous and he would not have attempted to catch a shark twice his size...if he thinks death is even an option then he refrains, but simply losing a finger might be worth the adventure. He has caught countless number of insects, reptiles, amphibians, animals, birds, and now sea creatures that we have literally lost count.

God formed children with unique bents and specific designs that manifest themselves in their tolerances, passions and interests...I am convinced of that...so knowing that God made Fisher unique in that way, Jeff and I sit back and watch it all unfold...and sometimes it is just unbelievable the things he drops into our lap, our back yard, our neighborhood bayou, and our oceans right in front of Fisher as if He is saying, "here little buddy, this one is from me to you, enjoy, I made all of this for your pleasure!"

As a mom, it takes a great deal of calm, decisive allowance, but the journey is so much fun, and so very worth it... and as crazy as it sounds, I have come to terms with the fact that Fisher does not, in fact, need all ten fingers..

proper vessels ~

2009-02-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

The vessel from which you drink, directly affects the enjoyment, and taste of what you drink...especially with diet coke, wine and coffee.

goals ~

2009-02-24T13:11:00.001-08:00

Fisher has his first baseball game of the season tonight!!! Fisher's goal - home run; my goal - not to run along side Fisher to first base this year screaming RUN! (behind the fence of course).

'best-est' just works sometimes ~

2009-02-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

One of my sweetest, best-est (I know that is not a word, but it just works sometimes) friends in the whole world is my friend Dana. We just “get” the same stuff. Laughter is an accessory to us, and though we can escape to deeper thinking, it is almost always accompanied by humor paving the way. Humorous scenario's seem to become mile markers and memorials in the history of our friendship...this is one of those memorials ~

Dana is a diabetic, and has been since she was 15 years old. As with most diabetics, when she was pregnant, she was “high risk,” but her pregnancy developed some more serious complications and so she had to be on bed rest most of the time. She did get out every once in a while but it was usually in a wheelchair.

Well, one Sunday, she was dropped off at the door of our church and as she was getting out of the car she chose to leave her middle finger in the door as she shut it. No other finger was a casualty of this happening… just the middle finger (how that is physically possible is beyond me) …she whimpered a bit and made her way into the church service. I was not present for any of this but I come into the scene later…

Sooooo… she is sitting in church waiting for the service to start, and she begins to feel the pain welling up in her finger…and upon further investigation she notices that it is rapidly becoming the size of a link of Jimmy Dean Sausage. Well either the sight of this or all the blood leaving her head and going to her finger cause her to feel a bit “queasy” and so she got up and headed to the kitchen area behind the sanctuary.

Here the scene turns quite dramatic…You see, during Dana’s pregnancy she was like a “rare and precious pearl” to all who knew her…it was difficult for her to get pregnant, and then to top it off with her diabetes and high risk pregnancy…she was like a walking emergency room…drama ensued everywhere she went…(I think she kind of liked it...shhh)

Well I innocently made my way to the kitchen to refill my coffee before the service started and this is the scene I find…(get ready)… Dana spread out on the long Kitchen table…lying there on her back, hands folded across her chest as if she is in a coffin. It was like a scene from ER, there were people moving 90 miles an hour grabbing ice and fanning her and yelling frantically... “Get help…get help”

If I had not have been concerned for her pregnancy, I probably would have laughed out loud…(that is just the way it is with us) it was quite the 911…so I rush over to her to see if she is like in labor??? or in a diabetic coma ??? or bleeding about the head and face???…and to my surprise and relief, she looks at me, whimpers, and holds up her swollen middle finger and says… “I slammed it in the car door…it really hurts”…I think I actually laughed out loud while others looked at me in disbelief. Trust me, my “inappropriate” laughter, was accompianed by a deep relief... it was just a finger 911 and not a baby 911…not a Dana 911

For the rest of the service she remained there on the kitchen table. With others checking on her periodically (me included), and to this day when I picture her 4’11 frame with her 8 month tummy and her swollen middle finger lying flat on her back on the table in the very middle of our little church kitchen I laugh…If only I had brought a camera…I am sure the visitors that day were quite confused.

Well, that finger of her's still has a mark under the nail and her beautiful daughter is now 6 years old…I guess the drama was merited, but hey, even merited drama can still be comical...at least when it comes to the two of us...thanks for the laughs, looking forward to many more mile markers...they make the journey much more fun!

familiar nets ~

2009-02-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

Matthew 4:18 reads, “Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw… Peter…casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And He said, Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men.” My son’s name comes from this verse...He can tell you that he will become a fisher of men, “catching them for Jesus!”

When I consider this call, I think, wow, what an invitation right?But, then again, not really… I don’t think Christ was politely asking …he was, in his wonderful authoritative way, commanding… Scripture says Peter immediately left his net and followed…why did he respond so quickly? Remember this was his livelihood…probably all he knew…and he had never met this stranger calling him so boldly from the beach…he had no obvious reason to go and no reason to follow…but this was his call to service and Peter’s response illustrates how authoritative, direct and powerful Christ’s commanding invitation must have been!

So I think, what familiar places am I willing to leave the comforts of for something presently I know nothing about? Have I entered into His authoritative command on my life to come and be a part of all that he has prepared for me? (Eph 2:10) Peter did, and what an amazing journey he began, journeys where he walked on water, and witnessed the many miracles of Christ…a journey miles apart from the life of a fisherman in the Sea of Galilee. I don’t want to miss my journey and the “big stuff” waiting there...I pray that I am not still holding onto familiar nets in my own Sea of Galilee.

Peter’s journey was one full of a zealous love and heart for Christ and His ministry. He was so full of passion...he truly “got it”…even Christ tells him that in Matt. 16:17. After asking His disciples “who do you say that I am” Peter answers, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” And Christ says to him… “Blessed are you Peter, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you but my Father in heaven.” He knew now who the seemingly bossy stranger calling him from the beach truly was and what that meant for him. When I think of my children, this is what I pray for them...that they understand what flesh and blood cannot “reveal,” but only the pricking of their hearts by their “Father in Heaven.”

I hope I don’t just get it once though, I hope to keep “getting it,” I want to continue in understanding who this maker is that pursues me with an unquenchable love? I don’t know that I “get it” all the time, but I have moments, days and perhaps seasons like Peter’s…when I say… “Wow…You are the Christ”…I hope to keep getting to know this authoritative companion who walks with me in life, but who also holds my future in his hand. I want to keep “getting it” more deeply.

But it is so comforting to read that Peter still had moments of weakness and confusion… Matthew 26:58 describes the zealous believer who had just proclaimed Him “the Christ” now, after Jesus’ arrest, following behind him “from a distance”…ouch…now he is lingering further away from this redeemer and following him “in secret.” “What happened to you Peter?”…I want ask as I read…and then I stop and think of my own life…as much as I think “I get it,” I know that I have areas of my life that I find myself, like Peter…following “from a distance”… areas that are hard for me to fully give up control. …Nets that are too familiar to just drop and walk away from for the unknown that awaits in following my savior totally and completely…so I stop and reconsider Peter and his denial and distant following…and begin to search myself and creep closer to the provider of all my needs and strive to follow more closely and more completely.

One of my favorite parts in scripture about Peter is found after Christ’s death resurrection…Acts 4:13 “Now as they observed the confidence of Peter…and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus.” Wow…what redemption…what restoration…what completion…He was fully living the call on his life…before he had been trailing his Lord at a distance, hoping not to be associated with this radical savior, and here we find him healing in the name of Christ and living in such a way that others were amazed and recognized him as “having been with Jesus.” Freed from the fear of association. I love the restoration and mercy this highlights for us all.

I too, want to try to drop my familiar nets…all of them…and respond quickly to the commands of Christ and his call on my life, leaving the familiar for the extraordinary, holding tight to the truth, striving to “get it” more deeply, giving over the areas that are “following at a distance” to the point that someday…hopefully…others recognize that I have been with Jesus. So for now…Lord…Show me the nets, help me to drop them and give met the courage to follow!

beth moore was my roommate ~

2009-02-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

So, I have a confession...I have a crush on Beth Moore. This crush is the kind of thing a kid who wants to grow up to play football would have on Andre Johnson.... yeah...I feel like that about Beth Moore. She is, for lack of a better word, my personal, little, hero.

The first time I see her on a new teaching video, I think I actually get butterflies..., and I find myself leaning in closer and closer to the screen to just get some clue, some hint as to how she does it. Like a kid would study Andre Johnson play, I too, study her every time she teaches, like for example, last week she kept pulling little sticky notes off of a piece of paper on her podium and moving them around. I just wish I could know what was on all those sticky notes...a verse...a personal story... a joke??? What was it? I even said something out loud once without even realizing it to the woman next to me. I leaned over and said “what is she doing with the sticky notes?” and she said, “What sticky notes?” ha...well...this is how it is with Beth and me, and I love it.

I am writing this because just last week on Tuesday night I had a funny dream about Beth. In my dream we were both on some kind of weekend retreat. And, somehow she was my roommate. Obviously, this makes no sense, but wow, this dream was so real. I don't remember much about the details of the dream, but I do remember that it was a blast...it was fun, funny and inspiring all at the same time. I woke up and told my husband that I had just met Beth Moore. He looked confused ....and then I explained my dream...I'm pretty sure he was still confused...anyway...

So, the funny thing is that yesterday, I got a text from a friend who works at Beth’s grandson’s preschool. She told me that Beth Moore had just dropped off her grandson, and was also going to be picking him up that day at 2:30 ...she ended the text saying something like, “Now’s your chance to see her!” (she knows me well). “BUTTERFLIES,” was all I could text back. I meant it too.

But, 2:30 came and went, and my “chance” went with it. I chose not to "stake out" the pre-school waiting to see my hero. The way I see it, you cannot manufacture a dream. And a dream of mine is to meet her (ok...like and maybe have lunch with her...and maybe be like besties...), and it does not work if it is some synthetic meeting that came from a tip in the form of a text from a friend who has her grandson in a local preschool. No, that is not how it will happen. I am not expecting fireworks, but I know I am going to run into her, and I honestly think it will be soon...but until then, I have decided I am going to think less about what I will say when I meet her, and even less about what she is doing every time she moves a sticky note.

You see, for some reason, since my dream, I feel a bit differently about my hero... about who she is and how much I admire her. I love the passion she has for women and scripture and her "man", and I feel completely united in spirit with that aspect of who she is, but something else hit me...... though I want to meet her in 4D, (not just a dream), I have complete, unwavering confidence that someday we will get that meeting, and it won’t be by chance. Because...Wow...We get to share eternity together! And I believe there we will get to talk at great length about all the things we love...about scripture, and history, and learning, and Jesus and the prophets, and prayer, and studying...and more studying..., and obeying, and "our men," and motherhood, and mostly women...precious women, women we teach, women we love and women we pray truth finds.....soooo....until then, I still hope with all my heart to run into her this side of Heaven, but if not, then, I will be content with simply rooming with her on a random retreat in my dream...it was a blast, after all!

effort counts for something, right? ~

2009-02-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

I love making plans, lists, categorizing...so the idea of new years goals is heavenly..At the end of each year I set aside some time to "fine tune"...I divide my life up into categories and evaluate how I am doing in each of those areas...then I think of a few "un-overwhelming" ways to tweak those areas a bit in order to be moving forward in each...so as not to be stagnant. The way I see it, if I don't evaluate I'll never learn where I am stagnant, ya know...to some this list might seem overwhelming, but it is just a personal evaluation...I don't have a "paid-job" but this is the same kind of thing they do in the business world...right??? So, why not do a year end evaluation in my own private world...ya know! Anyway, most of the list involves "reading something" because I am an addicted learner, and I think that learning is the key to improving...knowing how. So that is really what most of the areas consist of...something to read rather than do...but my hope is that once I read, I will then "do" what I have learned. So having said that...T These are my "Goals for 2009!" As far as when I find the time to read all of this...usually in the a.m. between 5 - 7 or in the bed at night before going to sleep...I never read during the day...I can't find the time...oh, and just like with every list in my life...much will get pushed to the next list...2010...but hey, effort counts for something right?

2009 New Year Goals

Spiritual Goals –

Scripture memory ~ larger chunks (Beginning with Psalm 23, and Psalm 91)

Read He that is spiritual - Chafer

Read The Divine Conspiracy - Willard

Read The spirit of the disciplines - Willard

Physical Goals -

Vitamins – (Jeff sets them out for me every day, and I never take them.)

Brush teeth before bed - I know this one seems odd, but too many nights I just brush past the bathroom and b-line straight for the bed.

Skin care regiment - Hello...40 is not that far.

Personal Goals –

Read The Biography of George Muller

Read Through the gates of splendor - Elliot

Read Biography of Eric Lidell

(I would like to focus on amazing acts of others)

Watch College Football

Learn and understand photoshop and get a SLR Camera (I was motivated by the pictures we had taken in November - I don't want to go into business, just capture the great moments of life in my house as it happens...I thought...if she (the photographer can do this, I can do this...not always the case with everything, but worth a try)

Social Goals –

Keep up better with my girlfriends by initiating more phone calls - I get on auto pilot way too much...I can forget to look up!

Service Goals –

I want to make our support of Village Schools International in Tanzania more infused into our family through pictures,(one is shown above) and reading the ministry updates to the family.

Family Service projects

Marital Goals –

Re-read The Excellent Wife – Peace

Read The Love Dare

Continue bi-monthly date nights w/ sitter

Parenting Goals –

Read Raising Kids that turn out right – Kimmal

Re-read Being a Great mom raising great kids - Jaynes

Re-read Grace based parenting – Kimmal

Memorize our family blueprint and teach it to our children...infuse it into our home(I will list the blue print here)

Camping – do it (twice next year)

Scripture memory w/ kids

Daily devotionals with kids

Family meeting/devos - short and sweet - once a week!

Fantasy Goal -

meet and become good friends with Beth Moore

this was my president ~

2009-01-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

confessions of a sore loser ~

2009-01-20T16:54:00.000-08:00

Today is inauguration day ~ I wish I were happy. I chose not to watch the coverage of the inauguration of our newly elected president Barak Obama. I would love to be a witness to this historic event, but I just cannot bring myself to watch.

I have really wrestled with the outcome of this election and I wish I could say that my wrestling has been noble. But is has not..it has been mostly the heart of, for lack of a better word, a sore loser. I have been just that...and I gave myself until today to sulk and pout, to kick and scream, to whine and complain, telling myself that until January 20, he was not my president, but today, January 20th, he is just that...my president, my commander and chief...and the man my children will grow to know as the president of their youth.(sigh)

As I swallow hard and pray for the obedience to pray, I accept this man as my leader...like taking a big cumbersome vitamin, I choke this day down and accept the sovereignty in this affair. I have no more words, no more tantrums, and hopefully no more tears, (yes there have been tears)...I am resolved to give up my poor sportsmanship as of today.

So,as this historic day takes place, I look back at the last eight years with a grateful, endearing sigh and say, Thanks you President George W. Bush...thank you for keeping us safe, thank you for your fortitude and unwavering resolve in the face of extreme criticism, and thank you for your obvious love of The living God. And I look forward to the next 4+ years with a hope that comes only through my head's knowledge of God's provisional truth, and I pray that the hope trickles down form my head's knowledge to my heart's peace.

The only words left to say are that of the Apostle Paul ~ "Let us be subject to governing authorities for there is no authority except by God’s appointment, and the authorities that exist are instituted by God." ~ Romans 13:1.

inestimable ~ nice word choice

2009-01-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

The following is a letter I found in my inbox today My husband is good with words, and he blesses me  with that from time to time.  But today's letter is perhaps the nicest letter I have ever received     from him.  Not because it is long and deep, but    because he compliments me for the very things that I am striving to do successfully and his letter    gives me hope that in some small way that success is measured and noticed, maybe not by many, but the    person who matters most to me.  Love that man!
letter below~

Angel,

You are the greatest blessing that the Lord has given me.  I am both thrilled and  humbled by His gift of you to me. Your passion for our family is inspiring and  makes me     want to be a better husband and father. I love your      heart and sweet  spirit. I love the time we spend         together as friends and lovers. You bring me  great joy, and knowing how well you manage your household is a       comfort to me. I  love the life and family we have and           know that the years ahead will be full of  love and joy with you as wife and mother. Thank you for the        sacrifices you make  for us, and thank you for being        patient with your stubborn husband.  Your worth to me      is inestimable.  You are altogether beautiful         my darling, and there is no blemish in you. My  beloved is mine and I am hers.  I love you,

Yours

25 random things ~

2009-01-11T14:55:00.000-08:00

My friend tagged me to write this on facebook, but I thought it would be fun to post here too...here it is...

25 Random Things ~ by Laura

1. My alarm goes off every morning at 4:45 ~ from 5 - 7 is one of my favorite times of the day.

2. I love to wear pearls...with anything...a t-shirt and jeans to Wal-mart, and I still feel "girly" in my pearls.

3. I love where I live, I never want to move, and I want to grow old and die right here in my house an old woman (might need to move the master down)

4. I used to want to grow up to be the first lady, and deep down inside I envy them.

5. I sang in a band in college – we sang in bars and at Greek functions, and made good money – two guys and me ~ our name was “We’re Not Dating”

6. I have been in love with my husband since I was 15...seriously...can hardly remember my past without him. He says he married me because I laughed at him, and I say I married him because he made me laugh....still does.

7. I am a ridiculous creature of habit, ritual and routine! I park in the same parking spot at the grocery store, I will only buy my daughter purple crocs, I sit in the same seats at church, I will only clean my house on Monday’s, wine at 5:00, I won’t make my bed on Sunday’s, errands on Wednesdays...the list goes on and on and on and on...seriously...on and on.

8. I love to study and research just about anything...Someday I would love to teach/share the stuff I am learning... mostly history, scripture, and random unknown things...like why they put the word FISH in big letters on the back of trucks, or why our teeth chatter when it is cold.

9. I MUST laugh several times a day...laughter is medicinal, and necessary... life is funny and should be laughed at much and often lest one become cantankerous, judgmental and captious!!! (Refer to #6)

10. I have a love affair with coffee...and I think that a sonic diet coke and a trip to Target can cure almost any mood.

11. Commercials, movies, or sitcoms with any form of gratuitous physical comedy makes me laugh until I cry and my stomach aches...then I rewind it and do it all again...

12. I think Jesus of Nazareth is the original maverick, and just truly the most amazing person that ever lived and I can’t learn enough about him, but I hope to live my life trying. I love Him. (Phil 3:10)

13. I broke my collar bone falling into a handicapped toilet side rail in a department store. (I tell no lie.)

14. I love my kids in ways I could never pen....having them makes me feel like I have won the lottery...every day...

15. I would like to work on listening more and talking less...I am HORRIBLE at interrupting...I even interrupt myself sometimes, and who knows how much wisdom I have missed because I hardly let people finish their thoughts.

16. I resist the temptation to run everywhere...into the grocery store, into the pre-school, through parking lots, I tell myself “Don’t run, Laura, that is weird”

17. In 2006, Jeff left a family business and sold cars for a living while looking for another job, it was the hardest year of our lives, but also the sweetest and one of the most meaningful.

18. My family is deeply rooted in Texas history...My Grandfather ran for governor of Texas and lost to Wilbert Lee O’Daniel, in 1938, and he went on in polotics to retire as the Assistant Attorney General of Texas, and my grandmother is a Fannin as in Colonel James Fannin's from the battle at Goliad.

19. I have taught my kids to repeat to me on command “mom, you are so cool, you are cooler than cool, you are the origin of all coolness.” It comes in handy when they really want something they don’t deserve...I just say... “What do you say????”

20.I know every word to Alanis Morissette’s album “Jagged Little Pill” and I “might” have been known to lip-sync it on numerous occasions, using a cordless phone as a microphone.

21.My least favorite personality trait in a person is pretentiousness, and I teach my kids that “Everyone’s workin’ on something.”

22. I have a thing about nostalgic smells and as a result, I will never switch perfume...so that when my children smell it they think of me, and always will.

23. I get the hiccups every time I eat rice...every...single...time...

24. I was a high school cheerleader, and I can still do the KHS school song, and “may” have been known to put on my cheerleading uniform and perform it for my children.

25. I love clip boards ~ I’m just sayin’

investments ~

2009-01-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago I studied about the relationship between Paul and Timothy. I learned that what attracted Paul to Timothy in the first place was his knowledge of the scriptures, in combination with his sincere faith, and he was so impressed that he called Timothy into service with him. So, I did a little research on Jewish culture and found, “It was the glory of the Jews that their children from their earliest days were trained in the law. They claimed that their children learned the law from their swaddling clothes and drank it in with their mother’s milk…the law was so imprinted on their heart and mind of a Jewish child that he would sooner forget his own name that he would forget the law…” Then I began to think of myself… I have spent so much time, energy and money getting my children "ready." Before school started this year, I took my son shopping and we bought him new “cool” clothes and new “awesome” tennis shoes...Tennis shoes that he currently wears to his weekly tennis lessons...so that he will be able and "ready" to play as an adult...gotta have the option...right...I tell myself it is an investment for his future. I bought him a new racquet and some tennis balls, and I pray that he sticks with the drills long enough to learn how to play. Little Adeline, same thing...I am currently teaching her all the letters and their sounds...she's gotta be "ready"...right? Just last week I signed her up for ballet, and she just finished a semester of gymnastics...that is just what you do ...right..to get the "ready."

Being sure my children are "ready" for things…like school, sports, a social life, college, a career is fine and necessary…but, I wonder, am I as focused on equipping them for their higher calling…in fact, their highest calling? Am is focused on them knowing the scriptures, knowing God and His attributes, knowing what we believe in light of what others would love for them to believe, knowing Christ as Lord of their life!

As I think of Paul and Timothy I wonder…who will be attracted to my children’s character and faith, and understanding of spiritually deep things...who will be impressed enough to remember them and call upon them…what qualities and knowledge am I instilling in them that will draw people to them…people like Paul was drawn to Timothy… drawn into their lives because of their spiritual character…to minister to them and lead them deeper into life’s journey...deeper into what they are being equipped for...deeper into their calling.

Sooo....do we quit tennis and dance? Do we drop letter memorization...do we forget about the school clothes??? I don’t think so, not now, that is not the point...but I am convicted to rise up in my children another kind of "ready"...spiritual readiness!!! I am convicted to equip them with knowledge and a love for the scriptures like Timothy’s mother did for him. Last month my children and I are memorized Psalm 23... and now we are going to learn about what God says true love is, and we will understand the stories of the patriarchs...and we will imprint the greatest commandment on our hearts...I am challenged to show them what a treasure their faith is and I will pray with all my heart that they truly own if for themselves...and be "ready" to live it out in such a way that as others cross their paths, they will be more “attracted” to that genuine faith in their hearts, than their game of tennis!

math revisited ~

2008-12-18T06:57:00.001-08:00

Last night I had a flash back...I watched my husband sitting at our kitchen table with my son working on math. My husband was rubbing his head in frustration and my son was doing the same.

I never liked math as a child. My dad was my "math hero." Almost daily he worked with me at our kitchen table, reteaching, training and tutoring me. We would sit there until I was able to do the assignment independently with success. I remember working the problems on my own,but as I worked, I would glance up to see whether he was grimacing, frowning or pleased...He quickly caught on to my dependance on his facial clues and became completely expressionless...even worse, sometimes he would leave the table and set the timer. I hated when he did that.

My flash back came in the same scenario...I watched as Fisher answered a math problem, and I watched him look up at my husband for some sign in the lines on his face, "am I supposed to carry the one here?" I watched as my husband became expressionless, and I felt for Fisher.

Then, standing there in the kitchen, staring at the scene, I experienced one of those surreal moments that happens to every parent when you see your life from outside of it almost looking in. In that moment, it hit me that..."wow, I am the parent now." I am no longer the child looking for the facial clues, but instead someone looks to me for them. There will never be another math test for me, but I will study math all over again for years as a parent. I wanted to interupt that scene and afirm for Fisher that he would conqure three-digit addition, and everything would be ok.

There, among all the frustration, my kitchen table now hosted the cyclical scene of life, I mean, math, revisited, and I was oddly comforted.

...let's just hope I retained all that my father taught me, and by the way...thanks Dad..I get it now...more than just math....thanks to your help, your expressionless face and our ktichen table!

shooting stars ~

2008-12-15T08:59:00.001-08:00

This morning I was reading about looking for God’s activity in our lives with the idea that his activity “is always” present, as opposed to the idea that He just “shows up” every once in a while. As I was reading, it dawned on me that sometimes I expect to see God the way I would expect to see a shooting star...like “wow, did you see that!” But I think that is all wrong...I think I should really be expecting to see God’s activity in my life in the same way I would walk outside after dark and expect to see the stars in the sky...they are there...they are always there..brilliant and beautiful...yet, most nights, I fail to take notice of them at all. Maybe I would see God more regularly if I quit looking for that one, rare, shooting star and saw his presence in the millions and millions of stars that I can see every night...I am challenged to expect to see his manifestation in the many ways that he “always is,” without waiting for some “wow, did you see that!” moment. Like the stars, how much am I missing that he is already doing? I want my eyes to be open to God in and all around me...so, this morning I prayed that he would take away the “shooting star” marvel of his activity, and I am going to expect to see him in the marvel of the stars in my life that are always present, always shining, all around me.

spit bubbles ~

2008-12-14T20:45:00.000-08:00

If someone were to ask my children what the "rules" are at home...hopefully they would answer..."we only have four...the four D's...”

(1) Don't Disrespect others(2) Don't Disobey authority (3) Don't Disturb others (4) Don't act Dangerously.

It all started when my son was about two and a half, he was blowing "spit bubbles" in the back seat of our car for about thirty incessant minutes. My first response was to tell him to quit and that blowing spit bubbles was gross and rude...as I turned around and saw his shirt soaked around the collar and the overjoyed smile on his drool covered face I began to question why I was going to thwart his joyous new discovery in the world of saliva. (Little did I know that many more discoveries in this world were yet to come...yuck) So, as I turned to him something in me stopped and questioned my disapproval.

I considered what he was doing...it was not dangerous to him or me...there was no one else in the car for him to disturb, he was not disobeying any "spit bubble" rule, and his spitting was not directed at me out of anger or disrespect...so I finally came to the conclusion that he was what he was...a little boy..playing with saliva..gross yes...but wrong...not at that moment in that situation. Changes in those 4 d's could cause me to ask him to stop (like if someone were sitting next to him fearing a soaking) but in that moment I let him be...we arrived at my mom's house with a shirt that needed to be put in the dryer and maybe disinfected, but other than that we both survived the trip, and to be honest he got quite bored with the gesture after about 15 miles...and moved on to animal noises.

so I realized then..that I was going to let the "spit bubble" incident be a lesson to me. I was going to try to say Yes as much as possible. I would try to let him be a little boy, but within situational boundaries. And now that he is 8, and my daughter is 3, I realize that spit bubbles were just the beginning...good thing I learned that lesson early!

the little gnome in our house ~

2008-12-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

In my house, I am certain that there lives a little gnome…and when no one is looking he runs through the house throwing, tossing and disheveling all that he encounters…He opens the cabinets and leaves them open, he takes trash and places it all around the house in inconspicuous places, he fills my sink with dirty dishes that I have no memory whatsoever of using, he leaves half full sippy cups and random articles of clothing laying around the stairs and the floor …and to top it off…he even plucks my dog’s hair and leaves little clumps of it everywhere! And, he does all this in what seems like only minutes since I last picked up the house!!! How does he do that?

Well the only way I can continue to keep this little gnome from entirely disrupting my house beyond repair is to stay one step behind him! I can’t let him get too far ahead of me or I am sure my house will actually cave in upon itself! So I do two “clean sweeps” every day…one in the morning and one in the evening…

I am NOT talking about cleaning…just straightening up…It is amazing how I can go to bed on a Saturday night with the house straight and return from church the very next day to a house that looks like a tornado flipped it high in the air shaking up everything inside...or maybe the gnome comes out while we are all away (that is my kids theory, anyway)…either way…I have to find two times a day for about 5 – 10 minutes to literally walk the house from one end to the other straightening up the place…

Here is exactly what I did just now in my 2nd clean sweep…I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I put the kids clothes on the stairs, I put the pillows and throw blanket back on the couch, I threw away the trash from our “to go” lunch, I put all the dog toys back in the “dog toy basket,” I flushed a few toilets, closed a few cabinets, and threw away Saturday’s newspaper …wheeweee…and all of that took about 7 minutes, but the place feels 7 million times cleaner!

Maybe someday I will catch that gnome right in the act…plucking clumps of little Sparky’s fur and depositing it on my favorite throw blanket, but until then I am just going to do my best to keep one step behind him everyday …and you know… I think I am gaining on him!

priorities ~

2008-12-13T13:46:00.001-08:00

One night we were having dinner and when we asked Fisher about his day he proceeds to tell us the following... “Bailey (the girl who sits next to him in class – we hear a lot about her) told me that Abby likes me, and so I told Bailey to tell Abby that I like her back…and then she then told me that Alexia likes me too, and so I told Bailey to tell Alexia that I like her back too…I can like them both…right?” Jeff and I respond (quite dumbfounded, but reaction-less) “What do you mean when you say they “like you??” He answers (as if that was a dumb question) “you know…like, they want to marry me!” Jeff and I respond... (Again reaction-less) “Well do you want to marry them?” his answer…”hmm, not sure yet, depends how much they like animals” ~smart kid~

my sign ~

2008-12-12T13:13:00.001-08:00

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD,

"He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge -- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

burning bushes, rainbows & coffee ~

2008-12-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

As I was reading the other morning, I noticed that there are many occasions where God gives his people signs that enable them to know that He is going to fulfill the promise He has made. Like to Noah He gave the rainbow..."I will never flood the earth again", Gideon got the fleese, Abraham got the stars, and Moses got the burning bush.

I began to wonder...where is my sign...Lord? Sometimes I am confused and sometimes I want to know exactly what you have planned for me...I want to know now where you are taking me...my husband's career, our family's future...I want a sign from you that says...YES! I will be in this battle and win it for you just like I did with Gideon, or I will cause your children to prosper, like I did with Abraham, or no storm will entirely overcome you just like I promised Noah.

I have actually found myself asking Lord to give me some kind of a sign ...some tangible confirmation that our family was firmly in his will, and that he would protect us, and be with us in our battles, and preserve our lives and that we would not be overcome by a flood of troubles...

But then it hit me...I did not really want a sign...I really wanted a reason not have so much faith... I wanted more visible and realistic reasons (signs) to trust Him than just that He is who say He is... 1 Corinthians 5:7 reads "We walk by faith and not by sight." Well, I wanted to "see" something....

But then something else hit me...God never changes...right...He can speak to me today as emphatically as he did then...and "his voice" was sitting in front of me at that very moment...His word is packed full of signs... Psalm 91 is an entire Psalm about the Lord's security, and protection. It is overflowing full of his promises...one after the other...

And then it hit me again...(I get hit a lot...sometimes it leaves a bump)...this is "my" sign...God has been giving it to me all my life...the promises in His word are meant to be as real to me as the stars in the sky were to Abraham or the fleece was to Gideon... I can take his word and chew on it and wrestle with it and I can go back to it again and again, and I can take it with me, and hide it in my heart...so many things you cannot do with fleeces, burning bushes and rainbows... and He hears my frustrations and needs whispered to Him over a cup of coffee as clearly as heard Moses and Abraham. So I decided that I am going to try to hear his voice, his promises to me, and I am going to be more aware of “my signs” in his word ...And stop waiting for the rainbows and burning bushes!

shorts and snowflakes ~

2008-12-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I complained about the warmer weather in this month of December...yesterday our temperatures were in the mid 70's...yesterday my son wore a t-shirt and shorts to school...that was yesterday....today at 3:30 p.m he and Adeline caught snowflakes on their tongues...today he wore thermal underwear and gloves to school...today the temps only reached mid 30's...only in Houston.

sweaty hands, cold feet~

2008-12-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to the disappointing sensation that it is muggy outside...not cold and crisp...but instead wet, mid 70’s, and muggy...hello, isn’t this December...do I not see Christmas lights...then why the spring temp’s...I have a love affair with the cold weather...I look forward to it with my hands to my eyes squinting against the cooling days...just waiting for those low temps to move in! We have been teased with a few, but they float away overnight...and then we wake up to days like today. I long to get up in the very early morning,while it is still dark out and read in the quiet, cold, dark of my house...it really is the darkest time of day…after cold nights, when I walk down the stairs I literally feel the temperature go from heat to mid 50’s...we all sleep upstairs so we turn off the heat downstairs... I keep a heating pad by the chair where I read, and I slip it in my robe, crank it up to high, and warm up with a strong, steaming cup of coffee. When I head to the kitchen to refill my cup, I just unplug the cord from the wall and drag it along like an IV...in ten minutes my hands are sweating, but my feet are still cold...The coffee....a necessity...I can’t decide what I am more in love with – the coffee or the ritual of drinking it...but either way it feels like a dear old friend...I think I would name each cup if it wouldn’t be so weird to then drink it...but then again, my grandmother used to name each green bean as I ate them...hmmm...anyway... I am looking forward to it getting even colder in January and February...those months host some of the coldest days of the year here and I actually feel a tinge of sadness when the warmer days start moving back in...when the heavy blanket gets put away, and the walk downstairs feels a little warmer... but for now, I am welcoming the cold fronts that push out fall temps and usher in the need for gloves, scarves, tissues, crock pots, coffee and of course a heating pad.

bear wrestling 101 ~

2008-12-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

My house has a time of day that becomes frazzled all at once! It seems somewhere between 5ish – 6ish each night the tension in the house begins to thicken…The munchkins are hungry, the youngest is cranky...the phone begins to ring off the hook, dinner needs to get started (or it is time to leave for practice and pick up dinner on the way), the final load of laundry needs to be put away, the dog is chewing on my daughter’s last pacifier, and the boys down the block are ringing the doorbell in hopes of working on the giant “crater” they are digging in my backyard…oh…and they need a bag of popcorn to get started! And without fail…all this seems to come down at the same time of night!

This time seemed like a huge bear attacking my sanity and me, and though it is a short period of time it felt like it took over the morale of the entire day. It was like he would eat me up and spit out sometime after the kids went to bed.

So... I got a brave hair, and decided that I was going to go to battle with this “bear-of-a-time” and work pro-actively to conquer it before it got a chance to pin me down! So as with any attack, I planned, prepared, and gathered up some resources to take into battle with me.

First offensive move - Ambiance!!!!

The sensory setting of this time of day seems very key…so now, I work to make it a “calm” setting… I decided to play some music, sometimes Nora Jones, other times Dave Barnes, some extreem times call for extreem meausres...classical...

Second offensive move – Feed the Natives!

Usually the kids are hungry and the first thing Jeff wants to do when he gets home is snack ...so I quit trying to make this a battle... remembering the bear would love to pin me down with whining children and a husband who is “sampling” dinner before it is ready…I just set out some cheese and crackers for all parties involved… I set out just enough to tide everyone over ...

Third offensive move – Kids –Self-Occupation –

This means they “try” to occupy themselves without my aid or involvement…so maybe they watch TV (big deal!) I let them watch while I do what I need to do so that we can hang out together at the table!… I set the TV to record shows that Fisher loves, and that is when he watches them…or else he plays outside with the kids from the street … in the meantime, my 3 year old is in the other room watching Elmo…

Forth-defensive move – Relax – and don’t be ashamed to call for Back up!

I decided that no matter what I would not let the bear win!!! If I am totally late in getting to dinner...I just “call for back up,” by making sandwiches or we all hop in the car for MacDonald’s! I let the kids skip their baths when it is going to be too crazy make it home early enough to get them bathed. I committed to try my best to choose to relax at this crazy time of day…I just think...what is the worst that will happen if we all just have PB&J’s for dinner...nothing! So, even when the bear is beginning to have me pinned…I smile and kiss him on the cheek…I don’t fight him anymore, or he is sure to win!!! After all…if the dinner is burned, (or not even started), if we are late for basketball practice, the crater in the back yard has swallowed up one of the neighbor kids, and the dog has found yesterdays chicken from the trash… the best thing I can do is throw in the dishtowel (literally) and sit down with my 3 year old and watch Elmo! I figure, if I do that…I have still won!

groggy math~

2008-12-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

This morning I argued with my husband...my alarm clock went off at 4:45, but I hit the snooze until I finally got up at 5:21...in a groggy stupor, both of us argued about how many times it has gone off...with a snooze time of nine minutes, we each tried to do math in our heads and argued about the sum total of its alarming interruption that was supposed to be getting me up! While putting on my robe and making my way downstairs, I was loudly whispering (so not to wake the kids) that it was only three snoozes...He insisted back that it had gone off five times, and I kept insisting back that it was only three...back and forth till I was down the stairs...He was right...yuck... but I wanted to be right, doesn't that count for something...

Later today, I have to apologize...not fun...but necessary...I hate when the two contradict...ugg...The partnership of my marriage is the most important, and meaningful earthly relationship I experience, yet so often it can get pushed into the background as our children and life’s activities begin to crowd my emotion, my energy and my time. Though I believe in the importance of being a strong mom that is focused and purposeful... I firmly believe that most assuredly the greatest relationship in my life is my marriage! Other than my Lord, he is my life, my partner, my lover, and my best friend...and I have to believe that through that understanding I can love my children better, more appropriately, and more fully~ Though my actions fail miserably sometimes...

So now...I work up to the apology..."I am sorry, babe...you were right...it was five! Just kick me next time!"

malta is beautiful this time of year~

2008-12-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

One morning I was reading about the apostle Paul. I had not realized that he had a big ministry plan to travel to Spain to share about Christ there(Romans 15:24&28). But, while in Jerusalem he was arrested and after many trials eventually he was sent to Rome to stand trial before Caesar. I thought about how this was certainly a distraction to his plans for Spain. As I read I learned that while sailing to Rome his ship was caught in a hurricane of sorts and wrecked upon the little island of Malta (Acts 28:1). I wondered about how distracted and delayed he must have felt from his plans for Spain…hmmm….maybe God had other plans for Paul.

The little island of Malta was an interesting stay for Paul. The people there were great hosts to the shipwrecked strangers. Paul was fed, refreshed and cared for (Acts 28:10 He also helped the islanders by miraculously healing the natives who were suffering from some kind of disease(Acts 28:7-8). After three months on this tiny island, they set sail for Rome...Ceasar...trial.

It seemed that God had plans for Paul there too…(Acts 28:30-31) While he lived in confined quarters awaiting trial he wrote Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon. I wondered, would he have had that kind of uninterrupted time to write these amazing letters had he been busy in Spain?

What amazed me, was that there is no account that Paul ever made it to Spain. I guess The Lord had other plans for him. I do know though, that his life was in the heart of God's will, and that “will” curiously included arrest, shipwreck, and life in confinement in Rome, but it did not include Spain. So I pondered some more...I have to think that, knowing Paul, he had thoughtfully considered his intentions to go to Spain too, and thought he could do so much for the Lord there…. how interesting that he never made it…

So I considered my life... do I have a “Spain”…somewhere I aspire to be for only the best of intentions? Yes, I do, but for now God has divinely placed me in Malta. So Then I considerd Paul in Malta…and decided to allow the Lord to use me here...to help others, to grow, and also to be refreshed. I just know that my Malta is nestled in the Lord’s will for my life just like it was for Paul.

Maybe at some point in my life I will find myself in “Rome”…settled in for a longer stay, feeling some confinement and restriction, and wondering how God can use me effectively. But, I can’t help but believe that Paul did not consider his imprisonment in Rome ideal conditions for ministry, yet he ministered anyway and many were being effected by this serving prisoner living in the Lord’s will and plans for him no matter how much they seemed to contradict his own plans.

So often I need to change my perspective and realize that I can be in the Lord’s will here and now…. There is not some "greatness" out there in the distance... I am not going to consider life in Maltea one full of “distractions” putting off the great plans I have for my life. Ya know, maybe the distractions are the Lord’s plans for me….the heart of the journey, and maybe time shipwrecked in Malta is really the Lord purposefully moving me closer to the heart of his will.

I am determined to consider that there is great purpose in “Malta” and live in the “here and now” giving my plans over to the Lord loosely and daily and hopefully I will begin to realize that the journey is sometimes most lived in the shipwrecks of life.

boy vs. legos~

2008-12-07T14:23:00.001-08:00

well...this has been an eventful day...cleaned out my car...found some lost shoes, some lost sippy cups, some lost toys...and a month's worth of food (opened and closed)...

Fisher got in a fight with a lego set...and we tried to figure out how angry to let him be about a broken lego set...hmmm...he worked really hard to put it together...and in moving it somewhere it fell apart...but it was just a lego set, and he was really really upset about it's accidental destruction...but after further thought it became clear that the fact that it is made of lego's is not the point...though it makes it seem much more trivial...it is something he made and worked on for hours, and in one misjudged move it broke into pieces...I would be really upset if that were a cake that I had worked on....so processing the anger on his level made it much easier to "take seriously" and it became much more than just a tantrum over a lego airplane... it became a disappointed kid with a broken "accomplishment." so...We let him fume...and now the lego set lies half reassembled on the playroom floor...he says he will finish the rest tomorrow...

in the meantime, I am glad to have back all my sippy cups...they are in the wash!

nose to the tapestry~

2008-12-07T14:22:00.001-08:00

Well, I have just started a blog...never really understood what blogs were, not sure I do now...but none the less I have begun one!

I've decided to call this blog "Nose to the Tapestry" because that is what I think much of my life is...each day what I see is like looking at a giant tapestry with my nose pressed right up against it...only grasping a small glimpse...a blurry spot on some days...a confusing configuration on others, a little glimpse of a little part of this huge tapestry that is LIFE...weaved with threads that go back generations and reach out through relationships.....made of weavings that represent days, moments, people and memories that make up the "life that happens here."

To me, right now...being so "close to it" it just looks like threads...many colors going in many different directions. Some match and some don't...some days I think, why that color, and why there...but I have to believe that it is because I cannot see the whole thing... and each thread, whatever the color and placement, is weaving together to create something worthy...and I have to hope and believe that it is something bigger and grander than I am or my family is...

I also have to believe that one day we will be able to step back and see it all...this entire tapestry and understand every 'unmatching' thread and each "blurry configuration" and see this thing from a proper distance...brilliant and beautiful...but until then...here I am ....nose to the tapestry...beginning a blog about moments and memories...life in my house...life in my family...life that happens here! and I am as excited as ever!