the dilemma of tackling ~

When I visualized my children in their grade school years, I had dreamy visions of taking the "less" path...less activities, less commitments, less intensity, less fuss. I visualized them sitting around the kitchen table after school doing homework and eating a snack...maybe even milk and cookies. And perhaps, we have actually acheived that "comparatively" speaking...but I have learned time and again that our realities don't always line up our visions.... and this past fall our lives took a turn...a turn towards "more."

Let me explain ~ In keeping with the "less" mentality, Fisher has never been allowed to do more than one sport at a time...I have often said that God would have to shout through a megaphone in the sky for us to choose that road. But as with all decisions, or should I say, convictions, it comes with sacrifices and consequences. Well we chose our "one" sport this past fall to be Football. Not just any football..but the kind where you hit one another...the kind without flags, not "touch" football, but full out, shoulders down, head up, tackle football.

This decision was not made flippantly, as we had never done an intense sport like this before this year. For months Jeff and I processed the pros and cons this level of sport would be for our family. You would have thought we were choosing a college or a academic major, but at nine years of age, he is our little trail blazer, and these seemingly "little" decisions are mighty in our eyes and in our lives.

Ironically, before we began processing the decision our minds were set against it. When Fisher was a baby I NEVER would have said he would play football, and I had a long list of reasons why, but that passion and vision did not include my little boy's big longing eyes starting at me with that "please say yes!" look. As we worked through all the pros and cons and set up the boundaries and deal breakers, it became more than obvious that for Fisher, and our family, the fall would be spent giving tackle football a chance. Funny how the reality of life "played out" changes from the visions we once had. When all the decision making was laid out on the table, the only "con" really was the time factor, but the pros, along with Fisher's begging, became heavy enough to tip the scales. The time factor has been a big commitment, but it is seasonal and it came with a sacrifice...no basketball after football season ended. Basketball runs from November - March, but we are not allowing Fisher to play in order to get back the family time we surrendered in the early fall.

So now entering December, we are heading into a season of no sport at all until baseball begins in March. This alone is something we have not experienced as a family since before Fisher was in Kindergarden. Football was not just Fisher's thing, but instead it became a "family thing." Decked out in our team colors and Adeline in her cheerleading uniform, the entire family went to EVERY GAME and in no time at all became fully engaged in the competition and spirit of the sport...in a surprising way, we all bonded around the new adventure that we entered into so cautiously. All our 'deal breakers" (yelling coaches, potential injury, stress shown on Fishers part, struggling grades) only became deal "makers." We LOVED the influence of the coach's, and Fisher did not stress at all, but instead, relished in the manliness of it all. When he wraps up a player or does suicides in the mud he does it with a smile that can only come from a newly found "rite of passage."

So, unexpectedly, for us, we chose to tackle...though the decision did not come lightly, it was a great one, actually, it was the right one. As I said, I am learning that my "pictures" are not the same as the reality that plays out in real life, but the trick is to "obey" in the present...the "where" and the "when" that God has placed us, and not our visions of the past, and remember to make our children's hearts and desires a "factor" in those realities...like I said, I never wanted a football player, but my son's little heart is overjoyed at the chance to wear his (tackle) football jersey to school every Friday! He smiles all the way! Oh, and when he gets home, he sits at our kitchen table in that footbal jersy and does his homework...just after a snack.... some days it's even milk and cookies.

do we need all ten fingers anyway? ~

We have just returned home from our family's annual beach trip. Every year at the beach is magical for us. Some are mountain people, some are city folk, some our hill country people, we are beach people...we just become one with the sun, sand and water and find ourselves lost in all that exists there. Fisher swims so far out into the waves. As I watch him, I hold my breath and pray, all the while relishing his fearlessness like an honor that manifests itself in a generous smile and a furrowed brow.

This year was an unusually perfect week at the beach. I am beginning to believe that the Lord drops down unusual nature incidents for Fisher and laughs as he watches as it all unfold...This trip Fisher caught a Shovel head ray, a sea snail, a crab, and multiple small fish (with a casting net) and a shark...yes, a shark.

The ray was first...it found itself somewhat stuck in the shallow waters of the surf and Fisher without hesitation grabbed it up with his hands and immediately drew a crowd. He became a pied piper of sorts on the beach, but instead of a pipe, he carried a sea creature. Everyone looked, some touched, and a brave few asked to hold, and then Fisher graciously sent it back to the ocean while whispering a prayer of thanks for such an awesome find.

The shark incident was one I was absent for (a big regret of mine) because I was up making Adeline lunch in the condo...but here is how the story goes as reported by all the viewers. A man was fishing off the shore where Fisher and his friends were swimming in the waves and he caught the baby bonnet head shark. Fisher saw him reeling it in and ran over to see what he caught. Upon realization that it was a small shark the man cut it lose, and it began to swim back out into the waves. Fisher followed it and eventually pounced on it and pulled it out of the water to show Jeff. He was holding it from the belly (near the mouth) with one hand and by the tail with the other, and it was squirming around trying to bite him. Jeff, wisely told him to hold it by the tail so as not to lose a finger. He took both hands and held it up by the tail and everyone crowded around to have a look and then he threw it back into the water whispering another prayer...his first shark catch, but most certainly not the last I am sure!

Often I am asked, why...why do we as his parents let him approach and worse, handle such mystery creatures....well, I have no "satisfactory" answer except that God has given me certain peace about Fishers uncanny familiarity with "wildlife." Fisher has no "fear filter" when it comes to God's creatures, but he does use a filter of wisdom and Jeff and I have both observed it in action. For example, he will not catch a snake he knows is poisonous and he would not have attempted to catch a shark twice his size...if he thinks death is even an option then he refrains, but simply losing a finger might be worth the adventure. He has caught countless number of insects, reptiles, amphibians, animals, birds, and now sea creatures that we have literally lost count.

God formed children with unique bents and specific designs that manifest themselves in their tolerances, passions and interests...I am convinced of that...so knowing that God made Fisher unique in that way, Jeff and I sit back and watch it all unfold...and sometimes it is just unbelievable the things he drops into our lap, our back yard, our neighborhood bayou, and our oceans right in front of Fisher as if He is saying, "here little buddy, this one is from me to you, enjoy, I made all of this for your pleasure!"

As a mom, it takes a great deal of calm, decisive allowance, but the journey is so much fun, and so very worth it... and as crazy as it sounds, I have come to terms with the fact that Fisher does not, in fact, need all ten fingers..

investments ~

A couple of years ago I studied about the relationship between Paul and Timothy. I learned that what attracted Paul to Timothy in the first place was his knowledge of the scriptures, in combination with his sincere faith, and he was so impressed that he called Timothy into service with him. So, I did a little research on Jewish culture and found, “It was the glory of the Jews that their children from their earliest days were trained in the law. They claimed that their children learned the law from their swaddling clothes and drank it in with their mother’s milk…the law was so imprinted on their heart and mind of a Jewish child that he would sooner forget his own name that he would forget the law…” Then I began to think of myself… I have spent so much time, energy and money getting my children "ready." Before school started this year, I took my son shopping and we bought him new “cool” clothes and new “awesome” tennis shoes...Tennis shoes that he currently wears to his weekly tennis lessons...so that he will be able and "ready" to play as an adult...gotta have the option...right...I tell myself it is an investment for his future. I bought him a new racquet and some tennis balls, and I pray that he sticks with the drills long enough to learn how to play. Little Adeline, same thing...I am currently teaching her all the letters and their sounds...she's gotta be "ready"...right? Just last week I signed her up for ballet, and she just finished a semester of gymnastics...that is just what you do ...right..to get the "ready."

Being sure my children are "ready" for things…like school, sports, a social life, college, a career is fine and necessary…but, I wonder, am I as focused on equipping them for their higher calling…in fact, their highest calling? Am is focused on them knowing the scriptures, knowing God and His attributes, knowing what we believe in light of what others would love for them to believe, knowing Christ as Lord of their life!

As I think of Paul and Timothy I wonder…who will be attracted to my children’s character and faith, and understanding of spiritually deep things...who will be impressed enough to remember them and call upon them…what qualities and knowledge am I instilling in them that will draw people to them…people like Paul was drawn to Timothy… drawn into their lives because of their spiritual character…to minister to them and lead them deeper into life’s journey...deeper into what they are being equipped for...deeper into their calling.

Sooo....do we quit tennis and dance? Do we drop letter memorization...do we forget about the school clothes??? I don’t think so, not now, that is not the point...but I am convicted to rise up in my children another kind of "ready"...spiritual readiness!!! I am convicted to equip them with knowledge and a love for the scriptures like Timothy’s mother did for him. Last month my children and I are memorized Psalm 23... and now we are going to learn about what God says true love is, and we will understand the stories of the patriarchs...and we will imprint the greatest commandment on our hearts...I am challenged to show them what a treasure their faith is and I will pray with all my heart that they truly own if for themselves...and be "ready" to live it out in such a way that as others cross their paths, they will be more “attracted” to that genuine faith in their hearts, than their game of tennis!

math revisited ~

Last night I had a flash back...I watched my husband sitting at our kitchen table with my son working on math. My husband was rubbing his head in frustration and my son was doing the same.

I never liked math as a child. My dad was my "math hero." Almost daily he worked with me at our kitchen table, reteaching, training and tutoring me. We would sit there until I was able to do the assignment independently with success. I remember working the problems on my own,but as I worked, I would glance up to see whether he was grimacing, frowning or pleased...He quickly caught on to my dependance on his facial clues and became completely expressionless...even worse, sometimes he would leave the table and set the timer. I hated when he did that.

My flash back came in the same scenario...I watched as Fisher answered a math problem, and I watched him look up at my husband for some sign in the lines on his face, "am I supposed to carry the one here?" I watched as my husband became expressionless, and I felt for Fisher.

Then, standing there in the kitchen, staring at the scene, I experienced one of those surreal moments that happens to every parent when you see your life from outside of it almost looking in. In that moment, it hit me that..."wow, I am the parent now." I am no longer the child looking for the facial clues, but instead someone looks to me for them. There will never be another math test for me, but I will study math all over again for years as a parent. I wanted to interupt that scene and afirm for Fisher that he would conqure three-digit addition, and everything would be ok.

There, among all the frustration, my kitchen table now hosted the cyclical scene of life, I mean, math, revisited, and I was oddly comforted.

...let's just hope I retained all that my father taught me, and by the way...thanks Dad..I get it now...more than just math....thanks to your help, your expressionless face and our ktichen table!

spit bubbles ~

If someone were to ask my children what the "rules" are at home...hopefully they would answer..."we only have four...the four D's...”

(1) Don't Disrespect others(2) Don't Disobey authority (3) Don't deliberately Disturb others (4) Don't act Dangerously reckless.

It all started when my son was about two and a half, he was blowing "spit bubbles" in the back seat of our car for about thirty incessant minutes. My first response was to tell him to quit and that blowing spit bubbles was gross and rude...as I turned around and saw his shirt soaked around the collar and the overjoyed smile on his drool covered face I began to question why I was going to thwart his joyous new discovery in the world of saliva. (Little did I know that many more discoveries in this world were yet to come...yuck) So, as I turned to him something in me stopped and questioned my disapproval.

I considered what he was doing...it was not dangerous ...there was no one else in the car for him to disturb, he was not disobeying any "spit bubble" rule, and his spitting was not directed at me out of anger or disrespect...so I finally came to the conclusion that he was what he was...a little boy..playing with saliva..gross yes...but wrong...not at that moment in that situation. Changes in those 4 d's could cause me to ask him to stop (like if someone were sitting next to him fearing a soaking) but in that moment I let him be...we arrived at my mom's house with a shirt that needed to be put in the dryer and maybe disinfected, but other than that we both survived the trip, and to be honest he got quite bored with the gesture after about 15 miles...and moved on to animal noises.

so I realized then..that I was going to let the "spit bubble" incident be a lesson to me. I was going to try to say Yes as much as possible. I would try to let him be a little boy, but within situational boundaries. And now that he is 8, and my daughter is 3, I realize that spit bubbles were just the beginning...good thing I learned that lesson early!

priorities ~

One night we were having dinner and when we asked Fisher about his day he proceeds to tell us the following... “Bailey (the girl who sits next to him in class – we hear a lot about her) told me that Abby likes me, and so I told Bailey to tell Abby that I like her back…and then she then told me that Alexia likes me too, and so I told Bailey to tell Alexia that I like her back too…I can like them both…right?” Jeff and I respond (quite dumbfounded, but reaction-less) “What do you mean when you say they “like you??” He answers (as if that was a dumb question) “you know…like, they want to marry me!” Jeff and I respond... (Again reaction-less) “Well do you want to marry them?” his answer…”hmm, not sure yet, depends how much they like animals” ~smart kid~

boy vs. legos~

well...this has been an eventful day...cleaned out my car...found some lost shoes, some lost sippy cups, some lost toys...and a month's worth of food (opened and closed)...

Fisher got in a fight with a lego set...and we tried to figure out how angry to let him be about a broken lego set...hmmm...he worked really hard to put it together...and in moving it somewhere it fell apart...but it was just a lego set, and he was really really upset about it's accidental destruction...but after further thought it became clear that the fact that it is made of lego's is not the point...though it makes it seem much more trivial...it is something he made and worked on for hours, and in one misjudged move it broke into pieces...I would be really upset if that were a cake that I had worked on....so processing the anger on his level made it much easier to "take seriously" and it became much more than just a tantrum over a lego airplane... it became a disappointed kid with a broken "accomplishment." so...We let him fume...and now the lego set lies half reassembled on the playroom floor...he says he will finish the rest tomorrow...

in the meantime, I am glad to have back all my sippy cups...they are in the wash!