lessons from rain ~

Last night I awoke to the sounds of raindrops hitting our old windows. We sleep on the seccond floor, and the storms are so much louder up there. As I child I loved turbulant weather. I welcomed the sounds of rain pounding on the rooftop, and the deep barreling growl of the thunder. Every time it growled I pictured two massive black clouds running into one another right above my room. When the lightening flashed, it lit up the room like the lights were on. For one split second, I could see every detail in the room...what page my book was open to, a pile of clothes, my closet door that was slightly open... and so on the next flash, I would squint to see what I could identify in my closet...but only for one split second...becuse then as quickly as it came...darkness again..until the next one. And the thunder...the louder the better...I cherished the loudest, unexpected claps of thunder, where you feel your heart jump, and your insides vibrate.... I would fold down deeper into the covers, pulling them in tight around me...not out of fear, but out of delightful suspence...smiling, because somehow as the weather raged outside my window, I felt safe and secure just inside of it.

On some nights, when the storms were especially loud, I would see the familiar flashes of blue and green lights coming from downstairs...not from the lightening, but from the tv...my parents were up, awakened by the storm...a few lamps were on and they were moving about the house,...I was never exactly sure what they were doing, but something in that movement made me feel safe, watched over, protected...so again, after the blues and greens were gone...I would curl down further into the covers and wait for the next one...the next crash, the next flash and pray that I fell asleep before the silence after the storm came...that was always the worst part...because it was over...

As an adult, I still welcome the storms at night...but I assume another response to the beating raindrops on the roof...My husband and I almost instinctively and without verbal exchange begin going through an understood rain dance...I check for any casualties left outside...a bike, some cleats....I peek out to make sure the car windows are up, we squint through all the windows checking the trees searching for loose branches, and Jeff double checks any vulnerable spots in the house for leaks...and then, like I remember as a child, we welcome the familiar green and blue tv lights to check for any weather alerts. After a prayer against a lightening strike...it's back to bed, where I nostalgically curl up, sinking downward into my covers and wait with childlike suspense for the next...big...roar.

This last storm, as I watched the room light up, and pondered it all, it hit me...childlike faith...that was what I experienced in a storm as a child...complete assurance that my mother and father were on guard. I knew they were taking care of me, and I felt there active presence all through the house. They would not let me sleep through a fire caused by a lightening strike. They would not let a tree fall on my room...they might even be kind enough to retrieve my bike from the rusting rain.

Then I pondered...Life has storms. They come unexpectedly...they come at night sometimes, and often, I fail to realize that any storms that come my way have been filtered through his hands....the hands that can command the storms to "be still!" He is faithful to protect me, like I believed my parents to be...even more faithful than my own parents could have been.

In last night's storm, for the first time, I purposefully waited to hear it subside. I listened for the sweet silence that followed the noise, and in that silence, folded down into the covers, and thanked Him and I decided the next time a "life" storm comes my way, I am going to consider that "my father is up"...he is always up...and yes, I might double check the vulnerable places for storm damage, and I might bring a casualty in from the rain, but I will also stop and thank him...for always watching over me.. for staying up...for His presence in my house...in my life...in my storms...for sheltering me from the loud ones like my parents did, but also, for something my parents could never do...for calming them.

familiar nets ~

Matthew 4:18 reads, “Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw… Peter…casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And He said, Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men.” My son’s name comes from this verse...He can tell you that he will become a fisher of men, “catching them for Jesus!”

When I consider this call, I think, wow, what an invitation right?But, then again, not really… I don’t think Christ was politely asking …he was, in his wonderful authoritative way, commanding… Scripture says Peter immediately left his net and followed…why did he respond so quickly? Remember this was his livelihood…probably all he knew…and he had never met this stranger calling him so boldly from the beach…he had no obvious reason to go and no reason to follow…but this was his call to service and Peter’s response illustrates how authoritative, direct and powerful Christ’s commanding invitation must have been!

So I think, what familiar places am I willing to leave the comforts of for something presently I know nothing about? Have I entered into His authoritative command on my life to come and be a part of all that he has prepared for me? (Eph 2:10) Peter did, and what an amazing journey he began, journeys where he walked on water, and witnessed the many miracles of Christ…a journey miles apart from the life of a fisherman in the Sea of Galilee. I don’t want to miss my journey and the “big stuff” waiting there...I pray that I am not still holding onto familiar nets in my own Sea of Galilee.

Peter’s journey was one full of a zealous love and heart for Christ and His ministry. He was so full of passion...he truly “got it”…even Christ tells him that in Matt. 16:17. After asking His disciples “who do you say that I am” Peter answers, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” And Christ says to him… “Blessed are you Peter, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you but my Father in heaven.” He knew now who the seemingly bossy stranger calling him from the beach truly was and what that meant for him. When I think of my children, this is what I pray for them...that they understand what flesh and blood cannot “reveal,” but only the pricking of their hearts by their “Father in Heaven.”

I hope I don’t just get it once though, I hope to keep “getting it,” I want to continue in understanding who this maker is that pursues me with an unquenchable love? I don’t know that I “get it” all the time, but I have moments, days and perhaps seasons like Peter’s…when I say… “Wow…You are the Christ”…I hope to keep getting to know this authoritative companion who walks with me in life, but who also holds my future in his hand. I want to keep “getting it” more deeply.

But it is so comforting to read that Peter still had moments of weakness and confusion… Matthew 26:58 describes the zealous believer who had just proclaimed Him “the Christ” now, after Jesus’ arrest, following behind him “from a distance”…ouch…now he is lingering further away from this redeemer and following him “in secret.” “What happened to you Peter?”…I want ask as I read…and then I stop and think of my own life…as much as I think “I get it,” I know that I have areas of my life that I find myself, like Peter…following “from a distance”… areas that are hard for me to fully give up control. …Nets that are too familiar to just drop and walk away from for the unknown that awaits in following my savior totally and completely…so I stop and reconsider Peter and his denial and distant following…and begin to search myself and creep closer to the provider of all my needs and strive to follow more closely and more completely.

One of my favorite parts in scripture about Peter is found after Christ’s death resurrection…Acts 4:13 “Now as they observed the confidence of Peter…and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus.” Wow…what redemption…what restoration…what completion…He was fully living the call on his life…before he had been trailing his Lord at a distance, hoping not to be associated with this radical savior, and here we find him healing in the name of Christ and living in such a way that others were amazed and recognized him as “having been with Jesus.” Freed from the fear of association. I love the restoration and mercy this highlights for us all.

I too, want to try to drop my familiar nets…all of them…and respond quickly to the commands of Christ and his call on my life, leaving the familiar for the extraordinary, holding tight to the truth, striving to “get it” more deeply, giving over the areas that are “following at a distance” to the point that someday…hopefully…others recognize that I have been with Jesus. So for now…Lord…Show me the nets, help me to drop them and give met the courage to follow!

investments ~

A couple of years ago I studied about the relationship between Paul and Timothy. I learned that what attracted Paul to Timothy in the first place was his knowledge of the scriptures, in combination with his sincere faith, and he was so impressed that he called Timothy into service with him. So, I did a little research on Jewish culture and found, “It was the glory of the Jews that their children from their earliest days were trained in the law. They claimed that their children learned the law from their swaddling clothes and drank it in with their mother’s milk…the law was so imprinted on their heart and mind of a Jewish child that he would sooner forget his own name that he would forget the law…” Then I began to think of myself… I have spent so much time, energy and money getting my children "ready." Before school started this year, I took my son shopping and we bought him new “cool” clothes and new “awesome” tennis shoes...Tennis shoes that he currently wears to his weekly tennis lessons...so that he will be able and "ready" to play as an adult...gotta have the option...right...I tell myself it is an investment for his future. I bought him a new racquet and some tennis balls, and I pray that he sticks with the drills long enough to learn how to play. Little Adeline, same thing...I am currently teaching her all the letters and their sounds...she's gotta be "ready"...right? Just last week I signed her up for ballet, and she just finished a semester of gymnastics...that is just what you do ...right..to get the "ready."

Being sure my children are "ready" for things…like school, sports, a social life, college, a career is fine and necessary…but, I wonder, am I as focused on equipping them for their higher calling…in fact, their highest calling? Am is focused on them knowing the scriptures, knowing God and His attributes, knowing what we believe in light of what others would love for them to believe, knowing Christ as Lord of their life!

As I think of Paul and Timothy I wonder…who will be attracted to my children’s character and faith, and understanding of spiritually deep things...who will be impressed enough to remember them and call upon them…what qualities and knowledge am I instilling in them that will draw people to them…people like Paul was drawn to Timothy… drawn into their lives because of their spiritual character…to minister to them and lead them deeper into life’s journey...deeper into what they are being equipped for...deeper into their calling.

Sooo....do we quit tennis and dance? Do we drop letter memorization...do we forget about the school clothes??? I don’t think so, not now, that is not the point...but I am convicted to rise up in my children another kind of "ready"...spiritual readiness!!! I am convicted to equip them with knowledge and a love for the scriptures like Timothy’s mother did for him. Last month my children and I are memorized Psalm 23... and now we are going to learn about what God says true love is, and we will understand the stories of the patriarchs...and we will imprint the greatest commandment on our hearts...I am challenged to show them what a treasure their faith is and I will pray with all my heart that they truly own if for themselves...and be "ready" to live it out in such a way that as others cross their paths, they will be more “attracted” to that genuine faith in their hearts, than their game of tennis!

shooting stars ~

This morning I was reading about looking for God’s activity in our lives with the idea that his activity “is always” present, as opposed to the idea that He just “shows up” every once in a while. As I was reading, it dawned on me that sometimes I expect to see God the way I would expect to see a shooting star...like “wow, did you see that!” But I think that is all wrong...I think I should really be expecting to see God’s activity in my life in the same way I would walk outside after dark and expect to see the stars in the sky...they are there...they are always there..brilliant and beautiful...yet, most nights, I fail to take notice of them at all. Maybe I would see God more regularly if I quit looking for that one, rare, shooting star and saw his presence in the millions and millions of stars that I can see every night...I am challenged to expect to see his manifestation in the many ways that he “always is,” without waiting for some “wow, did you see that!” moment. Like the stars, how much am I missing that he is already doing? I want my eyes to be open to God in and all around me...so, this morning I prayed that he would take away the “shooting star” marvel of his activity, and I am going to expect to see him in the marvel of the stars in my life that are always present, always shining, all around me.

my sign ~

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD,

"He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge -- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

burning bushes, rainbows & coffee ~

As I was reading the other morning, I noticed that there are many occasions where God gives his people signs that enable them to know that He is going to fulfill the promise He has made. Like to Noah He gave the rainbow..."I will never flood the earth again", Gideon got the fleese, Abraham got the stars, and Moses got the burning bush.

I began to wonder...where is my sign...Lord? Sometimes I am confused and sometimes I want to know exactly what you have planned for me...I want to know now where you are taking me...my husband's career, our family's future...I want a sign from you that says...YES! I will be in this battle and win it for you just like I did with Gideon, or I will cause your children to prosper, like I did with Abraham, or no storm will entirely overcome you just like I promised Noah.

I have actually found myself asking Lord to give me some kind of a sign ...some tangible confirmation that our family was firmly in his will, and that he would protect us, and be with us in our battles, and preserve our lives and that we would not be overcome by a flood of troubles...

But then it hit me...I did not really want a sign...I really wanted a reason not have so much faith... I wanted more visible and realistic reasons (signs) to trust Him than just that He is who say He is... 1 Corinthians 5:7 reads "We walk by faith and not by sight." Well, I wanted to "see" something....

But then something else hit me...God never changes...right...He can speak to me today as emphatically as he did then...and "his voice" was sitting in front of me at that very moment...His word is packed full of signs... Psalm 91 is an entire Psalm about the Lord's security, and protection. It is overflowing full of his promises...one after the other...

And then it hit me again...(I get hit a lot...sometimes it leaves a bump)...this is "my" sign...God has been giving it to me all my life...the promises in His word are meant to be as real to me as the stars in the sky were to Abraham or the fleece was to Gideon... I can take his word and chew on it and wrestle with it and I can go back to it again and again, and I can take it with me, and hide it in my heart...so many things you cannot do with fleeces, burning bushes and rainbows... and He hears my frustrations and needs whispered to Him over a cup of coffee as clearly as heard Moses and Abraham. So I decided that I am going to try to hear his voice, his promises to me, and I am going to be more aware of “my signs” in his word ...And stop waiting for the rainbows and burning bushes!

malta is beautiful this time of year~

One morning I was reading about the apostle Paul. I had not realized that he had a big ministry plan to travel to Spain to share about Christ there(Romans 15:24&28). But, while in Jerusalem he was arrested and after many trials eventually he was sent to Rome to stand trial before Caesar. I thought about how this was certainly a distraction to his plans for Spain. As I read I learned that while sailing to Rome his ship was caught in a hurricane of sorts and wrecked upon the little island of Malta (Acts 28:1). I wondered about how distracted and delayed he must have felt from his plans for Spain…hmmm….maybe God had other plans for Paul.

The little island of Malta was an interesting stay for Paul. The people there were great hosts to the shipwrecked strangers. Paul was fed, refreshed and cared for (Acts 28:10 He also helped the islanders by miraculously healing the natives who were suffering from some kind of disease(Acts 28:7-8). After three months on this tiny island, they set sail for Rome...Ceasar...trial.

It seemed that God had plans for Paul there too…(Acts 28:30-31) While he lived in confined quarters awaiting trial he wrote Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon. I wondered, would he have had that kind of uninterrupted time to write these amazing letters had he been busy in Spain?

What amazed me, was that there is no account that Paul ever made it to Spain. I guess The Lord had other plans for him. I do know though, that his life was in the heart of God's will, and that “will” curiously included arrest, shipwreck, and life in confinement in Rome, but it did not include Spain. So I pondered some more...I have to think that, knowing Paul, he had thoughtfully considered his intentions to go to Spain too, and thought he could do so much for the Lord there…. how interesting that he never made it…

So I considered my life... do I have a “Spain”…somewhere I aspire to be for only the best of intentions? Yes, I do, but for now God has divinely placed me in Malta. So Then I considerd Paul in Malta…and decided to allow the Lord to use me here...to help others, to grow, and also to be refreshed. I just know that my Malta is nestled in the Lord’s will for my life just like it was for Paul.

Maybe at some point in my life I will find myself in “Rome”…settled in for a longer stay, feeling some confinement and restriction, and wondering how God can use me effectively. But, I can’t help but believe that Paul did not consider his imprisonment in Rome ideal conditions for ministry, yet he ministered anyway and many were being effected by this serving prisoner living in the Lord’s will and plans for him no matter how much they seemed to contradict his own plans.

So often I need to change my perspective and realize that I can be in the Lord’s will here and now…. There is not some "greatness" out there in the distance... I am not going to consider life in Maltea one full of “distractions” putting off the great plans I have for my life. Ya know, maybe the distractions are the Lord’s plans for me….the heart of the journey, and maybe time shipwrecked in Malta is really the Lord purposefully moving me closer to the heart of his will.

I am determined to consider that there is great purpose in “Malta” and live in the “here and now” giving my plans over to the Lord loosely and daily and hopefully I will begin to realize that the journey is sometimes most lived in the shipwrecks of life.